We often as parents, inadvertently expects a lot from our kids and this is quite "normal" or at least, "very common".
Whenever we are very stress about parenting, it might be useful to reflect on the belief that we have about parenting that makes us react in that way. By being aware of our beliefs, we might then be able reassess, and see if our beliefs are realistic or not. One of the important principles of good parenting is "to be realistic".
Some of the beliefs about parenting which I often see in my clinical practice are
- My children should listen to me all of the time
- My children should do what they are told
- Parenting should not have to be so stressful
- My children should be able to learn something after being told 3 times
- My children and I should get on well
The reality is that our children have different personalities and core values to us, and often, their goals maybe different to ours as well. So if the core values and goals are different, then obviously, it is natural to have some underlying tension. The trick is to accept it and work with it.
It is like taking on a big wave and surf with it..... rather than fight and struggle with it.
Dr Vin Tran
MBBS FRACGP University of Qld